Hersheypark - Labor Day Weekend 2022

Skip to the end for coaster rankings and bullet points. The beginning of this post is all about me.

A confession: for my entire life, I've never been upside-down on a roller coaster. I'd also never been on a hyper. I'd also never been on really any large steel coaster. I stuck to woodies, mine trains, and wild mice. My intense fear of heights, and fear of the discomfort the rides may bring, stopped me from riding the biggest coasters for close to three decades.

I've spent this year neck-deep in coaster forums, coaster lore, coaster lingo, coaster POVs. Learning all the parks, the rides, the elements, the forces, but too afraid to try them myself.

This past weekend, that all changed.

I arrived at the park Friday night for the preview, hellbent on pushing through my anxiety to ride Candymonium. With my heart beating out of my chest, hands shaking, and profusely sweating, I pulled down the lap restraint. The little kid next to me said "it's not that bad after the first drop," and I felt the anxiety melt away. I took slow, deep, controlled breaths as the train made its way out of the station and up the lift hill.

The feeling of the first drop will stay with me forever. I couldn't believe how steep it felt, how fast we were going, and most importantly, how much I loved it.

With my first hyper conquered, I knew I had one more big hurdle - my first inversion. The SooperDooperLooper is tailor made for people like me. A tame mine train with one big simple loop near the beginning of the ride. I did that and loved that, too.

We were able to make our way onto Comet, Lightning Racer, and the Ferris Wheel before the park closed that night. I knew there were still hurdles for me if I was going to ride every coaster, but I left that night feeling pretty proud of myself.

The next day was hotter and more crowded, which made me less comfortable. We hit Lightning Racer, Laff Trakk, Wild Mouse, and Trailblazer, but as we approached Fahrenheit, I began to feel weary and overheated. We took a short break to eat, hitting some slower rides and cooling down. Finally, I mustered up the courage to go to Skyrush.

As I pulled the restraint down, I saw the steep lift hill and hesitated. With the restraint half-cocked, a ride operator came by to check, and I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to get on. I told him I had done Candymonium the night before - "how intense is it compared to that?"

"It's not as bad," he said. He pulled the restraint down and clipped the seatbelt, looked me right in the face, and said "just kidding - it's worse, but you never would have gone on this ride if I said that." Wide-eyed I proceeded up the quick lift and had the time of my life on that ride, too.

After that, all bets were off. Great Bear. Then Storm Runner. Then Fahrenheit for a night ride. One mind-blowing ride after another, as if the park was presenting itself to me and trying to one-up itself with each subsequent coaster.

By our third and final day, the only coaster left was Jolly Rancher Remix, and I went on it with no reservations or nerves. We hit every coaster except Laff Trakk and Trailblazer at least twice. And now I just can't wait to go to another park and ride the monstrous coasters that I have always been too scared to try. After all this, I feel remarkably safe and protected on all of these rides. How often does an adult near 30 get to conquer a long-standing fear like this? I feel like a little kid who just learned how to ride a bike.

Here's how I would rank the coasters in this park:

  1. Storm Runner - Two walk-on rides. A little short, but packs such a good punch. The launch is just incredible, and Zero-G into the flying snake dive is utter ridiculousness.
  2. Fahrenheit - I was hesitant to try the vertical lift, but it was worth pushing through. This is just a relentless tour-de-force of different inversions and elements. That Norwegian loop is no joke. This one might as well be tied with Storm Runner.
  3. Great Bear - The ride I was always too afraid to try as a kid. Getting on this one was what truly felt like I had vanquished the demon once and for all.
  4. Candymonium - I preferred this ever so slightly over Skyrush for its buttery smoothness and floater airtime. I discovered that I like floater air better than ejector air, but I'll take what I can get.
  5. Skyrush - The ride operator who got me to ride this is a hero. I'm writing feedback to HP directly, and name dropping him, because I want him to get some sort of recognition. He recognized me the next day on my second ride and was genuinely happy to see me getting on it of my own volition.
  6. Comet - This was my first "big" coaster ever about 20 years ago as a child, and it still holds up fantastically. HP does such a great job maintaining it. It runs more smoothly than woodies that are over half a century younger.
  7. Lightning Racer - Love the racing part of this, and it's easy to underestimate the first drop. One of GCI's best woodies. Not forceless, as some claim. Drew very little crowds throughout our visit. I often see people suggest starting at the "back" of the park with Lightning Racer and working your way forward, but that seems like a bad idea. The wait for this coaster was about 5 minutes the entire time.
  8. Superdooperlooper - Basically a good mine train with a big old-fashioned loop attached. I speak from experience: this is a great coaster for people learning how to go upside-down.
  9. Trailblazer - A classic Arrow mine train. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing super special either. Certainly far smoother than SFGAdv's Runaway Mine Train.
  10. Laff Trakk - A fun spinning indoor coaster with good funhouse theming, but a bit too short to justify the long waits. Not bad if you desperately need to escape the sun and the heat.
  11. Wild Mouse - Run-of-the-mill wild mouse. That doesn't make it bad, but it doesn't do anything that other wild mouse coasters don't.
  12. Jolly Rancher Remix - I see why boomerangs are so derided by thoosies. It wasn't bad, but it was the only coaster in the park that made me physically uncomfortable when riding it. Also, the scent spray is just about nonexistent.

Notes on some flats and attractions:

Other park notes: